Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo uJennifer wabhala ngokushiya abahlobo bakhe ngasemva ngenxa yokuhamba kwelizwe elikhulu. Ndenze intshukumo efanayo phantse kwiminyaka emine eyadlulayo, ndalandela umyeni wam ngoku osuka eSan Diego waya eSeattle xa wayeqala umsebenzi wakhe omtsha onomdla. Elona candelo linzima kum? Ukwenza abahlobo abatsha. Ngokuqinisekileyo akukho lula njengokuba kwakuqhelekile!
Ngokungafaniyo noJennifer, ndingaphezulu kokungeniswa kwebhabhathane ekuhlaleni. Umsebenzi wam ubandakanya udliwanondlebe nazo zonke iintlobo zabantu, kodwa ndonwabile ngempumlo yam ingcwatywe kwincwadi, ndisebenza ekhaya kunye neeprojekthi zoyilo, okanye ndikhangela iivenkile ezithengisa izinto ngamanqaku amakhulu. Okwangoku, bendisoloko ndinee-pals ezininzi.
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Emva eSan Diego, umhlobo wam osenyongweni wayehlala kwimizuzu embalwa kude. Sasibungaza phantse yonke imihla. Wayeza kudlula ukujonga iimpahla zam zomhla wokugqibela okanye ndishiyeke ndibukele itafile yakhe entsha yekofu. Singaba gab iiyure. Emtshatweni wam, waze waqhula netafile yethu ukuba omnye wethu wayeyindoda, ngesele sitshatile kwiminyaka eyadlulayo.
Ndandinabahlobo abaninzi nabahlobo. Nokuba ndithatha ikofu yam yasekuseni okanye ndisiya kwimiboniso ndedwa, ndihlala ndibaleka ndisiya komnye umntu. Ikhalenda yam yentlalontle yayigcwele njengoko ndandifuna ukuba njalo. Kwaye kwakulula ukwenza abahlobo abatsha, kuba umsebenzi wam njengombhali wobugcisa wawundidibanisa nabantu abaninzi abapholileyo.
Apha eSeattle, kwelinye icala, ndibenexesha elinzima ngokumangalisayo lokwakha ubuhlobo obunentsingiselo. Ndinezihlobo ezimbalwa nje ezingaqhelekanga, kwaye uninzi lwazo zezinye izinto ebendizifumene esele ndizazi zivela eSouthern California. Xa uku 30s, ukwenza abahlobo abatsha kunokuba ngumsebenzi weHerculean, ngakumbi ukuba usebenza ekhaya njengam.
Yicinge njengokuthandana ungenakho ukuba nethamsanqa. Udibana nomntu omtsha, ukuphupha malunga ne-chemistry yakho ebonakalayo, kwaye banethemba lokuba baziva ngendlela efanayo. Njengokuthandana, awunakho ngqo ukubuza: uyandithanda? Kuya kufuneka ufunde imiqondiso kwaye unethemba lokuba awutolikisi gwenxa. Kuya kufuneka ungoyena mntu unomdla kuye. Kwaye kuya kufuneka ulungele ukwaliwa.
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Kudala ndinikezela kwaye ndifumana ukupheliswa kwebrashi. Ndibe neencoko ezifuna ezona zakhono zam zodliwanondlebe ukuze ndiphumelele. Ndide ndaya kumhlobo ongaboniyo kutshanje owandikhumbuza eyona mihla yam imbi. Ngokwenyani akazange abuze nombuzo malunga nam kuba wayexakeke kakhulu ethetha ngaye. Kwaye apha bendicinga ukuba ndigqibile ngayo yonke loo nto xa ndifikayo!
Kwibali le-NY Times Abahlobo bobudala obuthile: Kutheni kunzima ukuba nezihlobo ezingaphezulu kwama-30? , umbhali uAlex Williams ukhankanya eyona miqobo mikhulu ekufumaneni ubuhlobo obungapheliyo njengoko usiya ukhula. Ukuqala, izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka ziyatshintsha. Kwii-20s zakho, amathuba obomi abonakala ngathi akanasiphelo kwaye abahlobo badibana ngokulula kwiindawo zentselo nakwiitheko. Kwii-30 zakho, ujolise ngakumbi kwikhondo lakho lobomi nakwikhaya. Ishedyuli yakho ixinekile kunye nezibophelelo. Ukhetha into oyifunayo. Kwaye abatshatileyo nabantwana benza ukuhambelana kube nzima nangakumbi.
Ngamanye amagama: Inene, kunzima ngenene ukwenza abahlobo abatsha abasondeleyo njengoko usondela kuphawu lobomi obuphakathi. Ngokukodwa ukuba uqala ngaphezulu kwisixeko esitsha. Ke yintoni i-gal okanye umfana ukwenza? Nazi ezinye iingcebiso endiziqokeleleyo ngelixa ndizama ukufumanisa.
Gcina abahlobo bakho bakudala kufutshane, nokuba bathe saa emoyeni. Akukho nto iyakukuvuyisa ngokukhawuleza ngosuku olunesizungu kunokuva ilizwi lomhlobo olungileyo okanye ukufumana i-imeyile ngazo zonke iindaba zabo zamva nje. Kuthatha umgudu, ewe, kodwa kufanelekile. Yandisa umbono wakho wokuba ngoobani abahlobo bakho. Kudala ndizama kakhulu ukudibana nabantu abalinganayo nabayilayo abasondele kwiminyaka yam kangangokuba ndiphoswe ngamathuba amaninzi. Ummelwane osele ekhulile unokuba namabali amangalisayo okanye iiresiphi zokwabelana. Umntu osebenza naye oselula kakhulu kwiikubhite ezimbalwa unokukukhumbuza ukuba kumnandi kangakanani ukukhulula kube kanye ngexeshana. Yoyisa uloyiko lwakho lokwaliwa. Kuza kwenzeka nokuba kwenzeka ntoni. Kudala ndenza iinzame zokuthetha nabani na malunga nantoni na. Abanye abantu bajonge kum ngathi ndiyaphambana, ngelixa abanye bezibandakanya. Ukuncokola nomntu ongamaziyo kangangemizuzu embalwa kunokuba nakho. Landela lonke ukhokelo. Ukuba umfowunelwa uthi bayamazi umntu kwisixeko sakho esitsha onokumthanda, yiya khona. Ngokuqinisekileyo inokuba ngumhla oyingozi ongumhlobo ongaboniyo, kodwa unokufumana ne-bestie entsha. Uthungelwano lokuqhubela phambili nomsebenzi wakho. Sebenzisa ezo zakhono ekwenzeni abahlobo, nazo. Thatha iklasi okanye ujoyine umbutho okanye iqela. Yinto echazayo yesizathu: Iyasebenza! Umhlobo wam kwezemidlalo usandul 'ukufuduka kwaye sele eneqela labahlobo awadibana nabo bedlala ibhola ekhatywayo. Ndiceba ukubhalisela ezinye iiklasi ezinomdla kum, ukusuka ekusebenzeni kweenkuni ukukhulisa iinkukhu esixekweni. Ndiyifezekisa kwakhona inja yam esezantsi kwindawo yeyoga yeziko. Okona kuncinci, uya kufumana izakhono ezitsha okanye usebenzise umthambo. Jonga kwiinethiwekhi zentlalo ezijolise ngokukodwa kubantu abazama ukwenza abahlobo abatsha. Imibutho enjalo ibamba imisebenzi yeqela, ukusuka kubaxube be-cocktail ukuya kusuku ekwabelwana ngalo kumathambeka. Njengengeniso, ndoyisiwe ngamaqela amakhulu kunye neemeko zentlalo ezinyanzelekileyo, kodwa le yindlela yokulahleka ye-extroverts. Misela izikhokelo kwaye ungachithi ixesha lakho. Ukuba ndidibana nomntu omtsha kwaye i-hangout yethu yokuqala ibonakala iyimpumelelo, ndiza kulandela i-imeyile enobungane. Nditsho ndicebisa ukwenza izicwangciso zexesha elizayo. Emva kwentlanganiso yesibini, nangona kunjalo, kuxhomekeke komnye umntu ukubuyisela. Ndifunde le ndlela inzima xa ndiqala ukufudukela apha. Ndadibana nomntu endandicofa naye kwaye wayehlala esithi ewe xa ndimcela ukuba aphume. Kodwa ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ndim ndedwa owenza lo mbuzo, ayisosiseko esihle sobuhlobo. Ndadlulela phambili ndagxila kwenye indawo. Kwakhona, ungaziva unyanzelekile ukuba uhlale nabantu ongabathandi ngokukodwa ngenxa yokuba unqwenela ukusebenzisana. Gcina ulindelo lwakho lukhangele. Ndincamile ndafumana i-BFF ese-Seattle- nangona isenokwenzeka ngolunye usuku- kwaye endaweni yoko ndaqala ukukhangela abahlobo abahlangabezana neemfuno ezithile. Mhlawumbi unomhlobo obamba isidlo sakusasa kanye ngenyanga, okanye umhla wecofi rhoqo nomntu ogqwesa kwiincoko ezinzulu, okanye i-pal eyabelana nothando lwakho lwebhasikithi okanye ukuvulwa kwegalari. Akukho mntu ufuna ukugcwalisa zonke iimfuno Funda ukonwabela inkampani yakho kwaye ujonge isixeko sakho esitsha. Kungabonakala kunzima ukuhlala kwindawo yokutyela wedwa, kodwa uya kumangaliswa yindlela ekulula ngayo ukuqalisa incoko, nokuba kukwibartender okanye umntu osecaleni kwakho. Ndiyayenza into yokwenza oku xa umyeni wam engekho edolophini. Musa ukuba nzima kuwe. Nika ixesha. Uyazi ukuba ungumntu owoyikekayo. Ekugqibeleni, abahlobo bakho abatsha baya kuyazi loo nto. Ukuhlelwa kwakhona kwisithuba esapapashwa ekuqaleni 4.3.13-NT UAnnaMaria Stephens
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